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Most etiquette books are written with a traditional family
in mind. You know the kind: 2 parents, 2 future in-laws, 2.5
kids and1 dog. But your situation might not be so neat and
tidy. 
For example, how do you word the invitation when your family
includes 4 stepparents? How do you include your child in your
nuptials? And if your family behaves less like the Bradys
and more like the Hatfields and the McCoys, how can you peacefully
decide who pays for what? We've got the answers to today's
tough wedding questions.
Who Pays?
The traditional arrangement of the bride's family paying for
everything, may not be the best way to approach your wedding.
Does the groom's family want to help, but would prefer not to
be handed a bill for half a wedding they didn't help plan? Tell
them, in today's world, it's become traditional for...
The Bride's Family to Pay For:
- - Invitations
- - The Bride's Wedding Dress
- - Wedding-Day Transportation for the Bridal Party
- - Ceremony & Reception Location
- - The Reception Meal, including the Wedding Cake
- - Flowers
- - Decorations
- - Photography
- - Music/Entertainment
The Groom's Family to Pay For:
- - The Groom's Attire
- - The Rehearsal Dinner
- - Clergy Fees
- - Alcohol at the Reception
- - (optional) A Monetary Gift for the Honeymoon
The Bride and Groom to Pay For:
- - The Engagement and Wedding Rings
- - Accessories, such as the unity candle, guest book, etc.
- - Attendant Gifts
- - Marriage License Fees
- - Their Honeymoon
The Long Walk Down the Aisle
Traditionally, the bride's father walks her down the aisle.
If this scenario has always accompanied your wedding day dreams,
then by all means, go with tradition. However, more than a few
modern mothers of the bride dislike this arrangement, especially
in instances of divorce.
No matter what, remember, it's your day, not anyone else's.
When opinions run strong (and in cases of weddings, they often
do), remind yourself that everyone else had their chance to
get married. This day is yours and your fiance's alone.
If you want your father to walk you down the aisle, then
have him do so. Tell anyone who might disagree, politely but
firmly, that simply put, it's traditional, and you want and
deserve a traditional wedding. Many brides soften the blow
to disappointed mothers by including a special moment in their
wedding ceremony when they and their groom present their mothers
with a rose, accompanied by a kiss and thanks for years of
love and support. (This tribute can be added to weddings where
everyone gets along famously as well!)
Likewise, if you wish to have someone else accompany you
down the aisle -- a grandfather, brother or beloved family
friend -- then have them. Some brides opt to have both their
mother and their father walk them down the aisle together.
Still others are accompanied by their mother only. Keep in
mind, the tradition of a fatherly escort hails from the time
when a daughter was considered property to be traded among
men. It's not written in stone that you need to be accompanied
at all. Many brides today make a solo entrance, preferring
to remain the focus of the wedding ceremony.
No matter how you decide to enter the ceremony, it's the
way you leave, arm in arm with your husband, that really matters!
The Consultant -- A Modern Bride's Best Friend
Both the busy bride-to-be, overwhelmed with the details of the
day, and the daughter caught in the middle of a familial wedding
planning battle, can benefit from third-party intervention.
Enter the wedding consultant.
Traditionally, wedding consultants assist in the planning
stages and orchestrate the wedding event. However, they can
do as much or as little as you need. While months of total
involvement will cost accordingly, many brides aren't aware
they can have Wedding Day Only help for next-to-nothing. For
a few hundred dollars, a consultant can show up on the big
day and take care of all the little details -- and the unexpected
problems -- that can threaten the sanity of even the most
experienced wedding parties.
Flowers didn't show up yet? Limo driver got lost? Parents
at each other's throat? Not even sure when you should start
walking down the aisle? A consultant can smooth all the set-up
hiccups, coordinate your processional, and, most importantly,
give you and your mother the chance to relax.
Need an outsider to act as the Voice of Reason? Even if
you've planned the wedding yourself down to the tiniest detail,
and all you need is someone to make sure fueding relatives
stay on opposite sides of the church, a consultant can be
the answer to your prayers.
Interview local consultants. Ask your friends for referrals.
All consultants will need to do some pre-planning with you,
but many are willing to simply check in by phone. The right
consultant can help make your wedding a seamless dream come
true.
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